As you may have noticed, I have taken an extreme hiatus from chronicling my life and progress on my blog. For whatever reason, be it moving houses , start of school year, 2 darling children that want their mother all the time, or starting a new job, my blog has been neglected, severely. Regardless of the reason, I have found lately, that it’s been all too easy to ignore this part of my life. Until today.
Today, two very important things happened in my life.
1. The bubble I’ve created around myself, the bubble that has existed as one of joy and wholeness from a fully functional Interstim device, has been shattered. Sadly, while doing a seemingly uncomplicated water aerobic move I felt a snag, then a jolt, then a series of shocks in the area of my implant. Upon further inspection, which included a week of me messing with programming, I realized today through x-ray images that my wires have moved. The incontinence is BACK, the pain of a failing implant is severe, and my mood is sour. Fortunately, all was handled expertly by my Medtronic Representative and rectal surgeon who have assured me that swift surgical repair of the wires will restore my functionality. Additionally, reprogramming of the device until surgical repair has offered some sense of relief. And I realized, this is why. This is why I need to continue to chronicle my own journey. The incontinence never goes away. This is a chronic problem. A chronic problem with a wonderful solution (Interstim), but a chronic issue nonetheless, one I will struggle with, for the rest of my life.
2. Today I responded to 2 e-mails. E-mails from women who have sustained incontinence as a result of nerve damage. Women who are happy that they have found my blog in their quest for validating their own journeys in unfamiliar and terrifying territory. And I realized, this is why. This is why I write my blog. My blog offers me solace, and it offers other people a hopeful message, an understanding, and peace while dealing with incontinence issues, mental illness, and birth trauma.
And this is why, why I will continue to write. Thank you for today, in validating my purpose and the purpose of this blog.
Thanks for reading,
Lauren
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Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
